I pondered whether or not to post about Rachael last night, but after receiving so many kind emails from people who were sending good thoughts her way, I decided that it's really as much a toast to her as anything, if in a very new-millenium kind of format. I suppose my concern was that I was mentioning her death in the same sort of literary outlet in which people generally post about what they had for lunch that day. Then again, people print death announcements in newspapers, face to face with movie listings and classified ads. I suppose when someone goes, those who love them want to let the world know. I bought an old old cookbook this summer, and when I opened it a yellowed newspaper clipping fell out with a 50th wedding anniversary announcement on it. (Dated 1979 - they had been married in 1929.) The couple in the photo had, at the time, 18 children and 25 grandchildren, and are smiling so hard they look almost giddy. I use it now as a bookmark, and although I have absolutely no connection to these people, I'm somehow comforted and glad to know they exist.

I do want people to know what an incredible treasure the world lost yesterday. It seems impossible to me that we can't somehow capture her, the vast sparkling entity that is Rachael, and simply transport her from her sinking boat into a a new carrying case. Last night all I wanted to do was cry and sleep, but I couldn't cry, and I couldn't sleep. I thought I'd be inspired to write, that her death was going to jar open some sort of inner dam, gushing forth truth and clarity and peaceful contemplation. But all I was inspired to do was clean. I guess that's something.

I have been reading the India portion of Eat, Pray, Love, and realized that all this time, Rachael has been a sort of guru for me. Of course use of the word guru in Western civilization brings forth images of Ghandi and other robed spiritual leaders of the East we Westerners seek out in our search for enlightenment, or at least the image of enlightenment. The idea behind having a guru is that the merits of your guru will reveal to you your own hidden greatness. I have never heard a better definition of true friendship.